Family and domestic violence

At Notre Dame, we are committed to providing dedicated support services for students and employees who have experienced family and domestic violence.

Understanding family and domestic violence

Anyone can be affected by family and domestic violence. If you have experienced it, it is not your fault.

What is family and domestic violence?

Family and domestic violence happens when one person in a relationship hurts another person or makes them feel unsafe. It can occur within intimate partner relationships (e.g., current or former boyfriends or girlfriends) and between family members. A person can experience family and domestic violence directly and/or by witnessing it as a family member.
What does family and domestic violence involve?

Family and domestic violence can occur in a range of different ways. People who are exposed to family and domestic violence may experience behaviours such as:
Physical violence
When someone deliberately hurts your body or takes away control of your body. Some examples are slapping, hitting or kicking; restraining your movement physically or through the use of alcohol or other drugs; someone saying they will physically hurt you.
Sexual violence or sexual coercion
When a person looks at or touches any part of your body in a sexual way when you do not want them to; bothers you on social media with sexual messages, posts or pictures; follows you and says or does sexual things; tells rude jokes.
Psychological or emotional abuse
Treating you badly because of things you can’t change (e.g. your race, past, disability, gender, sexuality, or family); embarrassing you in public or in front of family, friends, or people you study with; saying things with the aim of making you look or feel foolish.
Financial control
Using money in ways that hurt you, preventing you from getting a job, and making you get loans you don't want.
Religious or spiritual abuse
Shaming or insulting your religious or spiritual beliefs; preventing you from practising your religious or spiritual beliefs; using religious or spiritual leaders or teachings to justify or excuse violence or abuse.
Social abuse
Cutting you off from friends, family and community; making attempts to harm your relationships or reputation.
Stalking
When someone won't stop bothering you with unwanted contact or attention, repeated texts, emails or social media messages, using social media to track you, bully or intimidate you, or bother you with unwanted attention. The behaviour may start out seeming friendly, but get angrier or even violent over time.
Coercive Control
A pattern of abusive behaviour used to control someone within a relationship through manipulation, pressure and fear. It is almost always a factor in family and domestic violence.
Many family and domestic violence behaviours are about an ongoing pattern of conduct aimed at controlling a partner or family member through fear of violence. It scares you into changing your routine and behaviour and stops you from feeling safe.
What are the signs of family and domestic violence?
People who experience family and domestic violence may do some or all of the following:
- See friends and family less than usual
- Suddenly stop going out without a reason
- Receive an unusually high number of texts or other messages from their partner or family member
- Worry a lot about making a particular person angry and/or being scared around a person
- Make excuses for someone’s negative behaviour
People whose behaviour is violent or abusive may:
- Put the other person down all the time
- Make threats to hurt another person
- Act in ways that make the other person scared
- Control
  - where someone goes
  - how and when they can use their phone, car, or computer
  - who they see and speak to
  - what happens to their money
- Have a lot of rules about how the other person is allowed to behave
- Get very angry when the other person doesn’t follow these rules
How to support someone who is experiencing family and domestic violence?
Starting a conversation
If you suspect that someone is experiencing family or domestic violence, it might be difficult to know how to respond. Consider asking them about it when you can find a quiet time for a private conversation. If they are not ready to talk, do not push them. You may worry that they will be upset with you for asking, but often, people appreciate the opportunity to discuss what they are going through.
Questions and concerns
When speaking with the person, it can sometimes be better to talk about things you’ve noticed that are making you worried. This can be less confronting than giving your opinions. Questions you could try
- How are you?
- I’ve noticed you have a mark on your arm. How did that happen?
- I’m wondering if things are OK at home for you?
- I’m finding it really hard to juggle my studies and work right now. How are you finding it?
- I’ve noticed that you seem frightened of [the person you suspect is involved]. Is that correct? What is happening?
Situation support steps
There are steps to take when supporting someone in such a situation to encourage a compassionate and respectful approach.
- In an emergency, call triple zero (000)
- Listen to the person with respect and empathy. Do not judge or express opinions about the situation or the people. involved. Do not tell the person what to do.
- Never blame the person for what has happened to them.
- Remember that family and domestic violence is not just physical – it can take other forms (see above).
- Help the person in practical ways – e.g., with transport or a place to escape to.
- Help them connect with a University Respect Officer, Respect@work Officer, or 1800RESPECT.
- Seek support on their behalf if needed. If they aren’t ready to connect themselves, you can reach out for support in their name.
- Remind anyone who has experienced violence that services are available to talk and provide assistance without the pressure of making formal reports.
Where to get help?
If you have experienced family or domestic violence, help is available at Notre Dame.
Respect and Respect@Work Officers
University Respect Officers are available on each campus to provide specialised coordinated support for anyone who has been impacted.
- Respect Officers for students
- Respect@Work Officers for employees
Counselling support
Notre Dame offers a free Counselling Service for students. All sessions are private and confidential - your counsellor will not inform your family, School or lecturers about what was discussed, or even that you attended.
For more information, including how to make an appointment, visit Student Counselling.
Employee Assistance Program (EAP)
Available 24/7, the EAP is a confidential resource dedicated to helping employees navigate personal and professional challenges. Whether you’re seeking guidance on mental health, stress management, or any other concerns, our EAP is here to support you every step of the way.
Explore the benefits of a preventative approach to your wellbeing, visit the Employee Assistance Program (EAP)
How to apply for family and domestic violence leave?

Family and Domestic Violence (FDV) Leave is available to support staff who are experiencing domestic or family-related violence. All employees, including casual and sessional staff, can access up to 20 days of paid, non-accumulating leave each year.
If you would like to speak with someone about your experience or get guidance on your options, you can reach out to a Respect@Work Officer.